When your morning starts off with six girls yelling your name and banging on your window for 15 minutes at 6:30 am, sometimes all you can do is get up and try to redeem the day by making homemade biscuits and eggs after they leave. Yeah, those schoolgirls aren't so adorable at 6:30 in the morning. This isn't the first time they've done this. Apparently our "This is not polite in either of our cultures. Please don't do it again." talk made no difference.
As I sit and drink my hot cup of tea, honestly the ugliness in my heart is still flaring and raging quite a bit. It's moments like these when I realize just how much I am not like the Son.
Well, that was an effective way to drive me into your arms, G-d. Definitely not the preferred way, but effective. You knew what my stubborn, lazy heart needed. Grace, my King, I so need grace right now. Forgive my frustrations and anger. Redeem the day and my heart. Teach me to walk how you walked.
This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.
"This I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.'" - Lam 3:21-24
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Him + Nothing = Everything
This is the part of the adventure where I feel crazy. the first of many times, I'm sure.
In all honesty, this past week has been pretty rough. Language was bad, lots of bad culture days, and the upcoming holidays is a great topper.
And I'm left on my face, before the One who is great and mighty and knows why in the world he has brought a tiny, unable-to-do-anything, still-has-problems-trusting girl here. Everything is being stripped away, painfully at times, leaving only Him to fall back on.
But you know what? He's all I need.
JC is enough.
I am reading a book a friend recommended to me, and the day when I felt most crazy, I read this.
His grace is sufficient. He is my sanity. He is enough. He is enough.
When I am stripped of all things and left empty, You fill me up with the most beautiful, amazing, undeserved grace. Thank You for knowing better than me and for taking away that which I cling to that isn't good for me. Thank You for being You.
Berjalan saja.
Just walk.
"Come, let us return to the Lrd; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, that he will bind us up. After two days, he will revive us; and on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.
Let us know; let us press on to know the Lrd; his going out is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:1-3
In all honesty, this past week has been pretty rough. Language was bad, lots of bad culture days, and the upcoming holidays is a great topper.
And I'm left on my face, before the One who is great and mighty and knows why in the world he has brought a tiny, unable-to-do-anything, still-has-problems-trusting girl here. Everything is being stripped away, painfully at times, leaving only Him to fall back on.
But you know what? He's all I need.
JC is enough.
I am reading a book a friend recommended to me, and the day when I felt most crazy, I read this.
Because JC is strong for me, I am free to be weak.
Because JC won for me, I am free to lose.
Because JC was someone, I am free to be no one.
Because JC was extraordinary, I am free to be ordinary.
Because JC succeeded for me, I am free to fail.
It's all about Him. He has already won. He has sealed me with His blood. I am His. And His plans will not be thwarted. Even if my language doesn't improve a single bit, He is more powerful than my language abilities. All I have to do is just walk with him. I don't have to be good enough; He is my sufficiency. I am free to be a mirror, to reflect the only one who was great, who loved perfectly, who did the greatest act the world has ever known for those who hated Him.
His grace is sufficient. He is my sanity. He is enough. He is enough.
When I am stripped of all things and left empty, You fill me up with the most beautiful, amazing, undeserved grace. Thank You for knowing better than me and for taking away that which I cling to that isn't good for me. Thank You for being You.
Berjalan saja.
Just walk.
"Come, let us return to the Lrd; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, that he will bind us up. After two days, he will revive us; and on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.
Let us know; let us press on to know the Lrd; his going out is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:1-3
Monday, November 7, 2011
without the shedding of blood...
There have been only a few things happen in my life that were so... heavy my brain could not comprehend what exactly was going on. Emotions completely overwhelm, and I can't process what's occurring around me. Events so momentous that I'm left wondering how to even begin understanding what I both saw and felt. 9/11, for instance. Visiting the orphanages and leper colonies in China. And yesterday's sacrifice ceremony.
Yesterday was Eid Al-Adha, a holiday remembering Abraham's life, specifically his faith demonstrated in his willingness to sacrifice his son. To commemorate this event, cows and goats are sacrificed at local mosques and homes. Some hold this to be only a remembering of Abraham's willingness and G-d's provision, but others, like the leader we talked to, believe it to be forgiveness of wrongs - "Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sin" (Hmm, sounds familiar...) One goat covers one person, and one cow seven people. At the ceremony where we were, 21 cows and 15 goats were killed - 162 people.
As we walk up, the smell is overpowering. The leaders see us and wave us over, pleased to inform a foreigner about the event. It takes me a minute or two to get enough used to the stench to go through the gate. Bloodied carcasses lay on a square slab of concrete where the slaughter occurred. Only three cows are left. Arabic singing, recitations from their book, sounds loudly from the speakers. I watch a scrawny cow fight as hard as he can against the rope lassoed around his neck as he is dragged towards the front. He struggles to remain standing on the bloody concrete as ropes from all sides pull him down. He loses.
A man carrying a large knife walks barefoot through the blood to the still struggling beast. As he kneels next to its head, kids and parents inch as close as they dare, eager to see the slaughter.
And it's at this point that my heart can't handle anymore. I quickly turn away, fighting back tears. When we get home, I shower, trying to wash off the smell of blood that followed me home. And I sit, trying to process all of my thoughts and emotions.
I'm going to admit something here. After thinking things through, I realized what got to me the most wasn't all the blood and the guts everywhere. It was the cow.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no vegetarian. I love meat and could eat meat all day... as long as I never met the cow. I know, it's silly, but it's the truth. If I've met the cow beforehand, it will be extremely hard for me to enjoy eating him, even if he's in the form of a delicious hamburger.
And here I was, witnessing a helpless cow being pulled and prodded to its death. I hadn't even met the thing, but my heart was screaming, "STOP! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS!"
It took about two seconds for my heart to translate this into something deeper.
It all points to HIM.
HE was our sacrifice. He is the fulfillment of the OT, what the sacrificial system symbolizes. The perfect lamb of G-d. And unlike this cow, he didn't have to be prodded and dragged to his death but was like "a lamb that is led to the slaughter, a sheep that before its shearers is silent." The Son - the Word, the light of the world, G-d himself - willingly takes all of our punishment, and what he accomplished was final.
There is nothing we can do to earn favor; depraved man cannot approach holy G-d on his own merit. JC has done it all completely. His blood covers me. He has made a way. He is the way.
"If the blood of goats and bulls... sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of JC, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to G-d, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living G-d." -Heb 9:13-14
"By a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." -Heb 10:14
"If JC be G-d and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for him." - C.T. Studd
Yesterday was Eid Al-Adha, a holiday remembering Abraham's life, specifically his faith demonstrated in his willingness to sacrifice his son. To commemorate this event, cows and goats are sacrificed at local mosques and homes. Some hold this to be only a remembering of Abraham's willingness and G-d's provision, but others, like the leader we talked to, believe it to be forgiveness of wrongs - "Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sin" (Hmm, sounds familiar...) One goat covers one person, and one cow seven people. At the ceremony where we were, 21 cows and 15 goats were killed - 162 people.
As we walk up, the smell is overpowering. The leaders see us and wave us over, pleased to inform a foreigner about the event. It takes me a minute or two to get enough used to the stench to go through the gate. Bloodied carcasses lay on a square slab of concrete where the slaughter occurred. Only three cows are left. Arabic singing, recitations from their book, sounds loudly from the speakers. I watch a scrawny cow fight as hard as he can against the rope lassoed around his neck as he is dragged towards the front. He struggles to remain standing on the bloody concrete as ropes from all sides pull him down. He loses.
 |
 |
And it's at this point that my heart can't handle anymore. I quickly turn away, fighting back tears. When we get home, I shower, trying to wash off the smell of blood that followed me home. And I sit, trying to process all of my thoughts and emotions.
I'm going to admit something here. After thinking things through, I realized what got to me the most wasn't all the blood and the guts everywhere. It was the cow.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no vegetarian. I love meat and could eat meat all day... as long as I never met the cow. I know, it's silly, but it's the truth. If I've met the cow beforehand, it will be extremely hard for me to enjoy eating him, even if he's in the form of a delicious hamburger.
And here I was, witnessing a helpless cow being pulled and prodded to its death. I hadn't even met the thing, but my heart was screaming, "STOP! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS!"
It took about two seconds for my heart to translate this into something deeper.
It all points to HIM.
HE was our sacrifice. He is the fulfillment of the OT, what the sacrificial system symbolizes. The perfect lamb of G-d. And unlike this cow, he didn't have to be prodded and dragged to his death but was like "a lamb that is led to the slaughter, a sheep that before its shearers is silent." The Son - the Word, the light of the world, G-d himself - willingly takes all of our punishment, and what he accomplished was final.
There is nothing we can do to earn favor; depraved man cannot approach holy G-d on his own merit. JC has done it all completely. His blood covers me. He has made a way. He is the way.
"If the blood of goats and bulls... sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of JC, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to G-d, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living G-d." -Heb 9:13-14
"By a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." -Heb 10:14
"If JC be G-d and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for him." - C.T. Studd
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Grace upon grace
"You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience - among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of our body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him, and seated us with him in the heavenly places with Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." Eph. 2:1-7
My mind simply cannot wrap itself around those words. First, we were dead in our trespasses, but not only dead and helpless, but children of wrath, following the "prince of the power of the air," "sons of disobedience." We were under Satan's control. Enemies of God. There is absolutely no innocence in us.
Yet, despite this, despite our dispecable-ness and filth, God loved us. He reached down and made us alive.
But wait. It gets better. Making us alive would have been amazing in itself. But he did this why? "So that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus." He saved us from ourselves and from powers outside of and much greater than ourselves (an act of grace) so that he might show us more grace!
What an awesome God we serve. May all glory and honor go to him and him alone.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him, and seated us with him in the heavenly places with Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." Eph. 2:1-7
My mind simply cannot wrap itself around those words. First, we were dead in our trespasses, but not only dead and helpless, but children of wrath, following the "prince of the power of the air," "sons of disobedience." We were under Satan's control. Enemies of God. There is absolutely no innocence in us.
Yet, despite this, despite our dispecable-ness and filth, God loved us. He reached down and made us alive.
But wait. It gets better. Making us alive would have been amazing in itself. But he did this why? "So that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus." He saved us from ourselves and from powers outside of and much greater than ourselves (an act of grace) so that he might show us more grace!
What an awesome God we serve. May all glory and honor go to him and him alone.
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