Give thanks with a grateful heart

Our Father truly knows how to give good gifts to his children. While it's easy to want to fall into self-pity and moan about how I miss family, friends, etc. during the holidays, I really am truly blessed. Thank you, Thanksgiving, for being a perfect reminder of what I have been given.

I am thankful I got to meet my team and spend Thanksgiving in the capital with them.
I am thankful for a family away from family to laugh, celebrate, and remember with.
I am thankful for those back in the States and around the world who encourage, love, and are walking with me on this journey.
I am thankful for the opportunity to focus on learning the language (really, I am).
I am thankful for being able to enjoy a washing machine and a shower a little while longer.
I am thankful for having peanut butter and oreos in this country.
I am thankful His mercies are new every morning.

And I am thankful for Christmas, for sweet fellowship (and some tears) with roommates while decorating the tree and reflecting on the Promised One who came to redeem His people.

It really is a truth too great for comprehension. G-d - great, mighty, part-the-Red-Sea, pillar of fire, glorious divinity. Leaves glory. Comes to earth as a baby. Lives out perfection, unrecognized by His own people. Is killed by His own people by a criminal's death. To be our sacrifice. Our righteousness. Our redemption. Our hope.

 What glory.

"O come, O come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of G-d appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel."

Him + Nothing = Everything

This is the part of the adventure where I feel crazy. the first of many times, I'm sure.

In all honesty, this past week has been pretty rough. Language was bad, lots of bad culture days, and the upcoming holidays is a great topper.

And I'm left on my face, before the One who is great and mighty and knows why in the world he has brought a tiny, unable-to-do-anything, still-has-problems-trusting girl here. Everything is being stripped away, painfully at times, leaving only Him to fall back on.

But you know what? He's all I need.

JC is enough.

I am reading a book a friend recommended to me, and the day when I felt most crazy, I read this.

Because JC is strong for me, I am free to be weak.

Because JC won for me, I am free to lose.

Because JC was someone, I am free to be no one.

Because JC was extraordinary, I am free to be ordinary.

Because JC succeeded for me, I am free to fail.

It's all about Him. He has already won. He has sealed me with His blood. I am His. And His plans will not be thwarted. Even if my language doesn't improve a single bit, He is more powerful than my language abilities. All I have to do is just walk with him. I don't have to be good enough; He is my sufficiency. I am free to be a mirror, to reflect the only one who was great, who loved perfectly, who did the greatest act the world has ever known for those who hated Him.

His grace is sufficient. He is my sanity. He is enough. He is enough.

When I am stripped of all things and left empty, You fill me up with the most beautiful, amazing, undeserved grace. Thank You for knowing better than me and for taking away that which I cling to that isn't good for me. Thank You for being You.

Berjalan saja.
Just walk.

"Come, let us return to the Lrd; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, that he will bind us up. After two days, he will revive us; and on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.

Let us know; let us press on to know the Lrd; his going out is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:1-3

"Cobalah sebelum Anda menguasainya" - Murder it before you master it

Fact 1: This city has three KFCs, three Starbucks, two McDonalds, and two Pizza Huts. There is no lack of Western food here. However, just cause we have plethora of options, we don't eat it a lot. After a bad language or culture day, though, some chicken nuggets and fries sound amazing.

Fact 2: McDonalds delivers. Straight to your house. Pretty awesome.

Fact 3: The first time we called for delivery, my sweet housemate ordered for us, only to discover that the worker spoke perfect English. Oh, how lovely! The dear people at McDs make sure their employees speak English for the poor foreigners who just want a taste of home! Wonderful.

So, earlier this week, after a particularly long language day, some McDs sounded amazing. My housemate was gone, but no worries - the people at McDs speak English!

Fact 4: Not all McDonalds employees speak English.

The girl I talked to spoke exactly zero English. Zip. Nil. Nada. The 15-minute long conversation consisted primarily of her speaking really fast gibberish and me saying, "I'm sorry, I'm learning the language, but I don't speak well yet" and "Please, slower?" It was an adventure.

What I meant to order:

• One order of chicken nuggets
• One cheeseburger,
• Two orders of french fries, and
• One coke.

What we ended up with:

• One order of chicken nuggets,
• One cheeseburger,
• Three orders of french fries,
• Two cokes,
• One two-piece fried chicken meal, and
• Two "free" teas, thrown in probably because they felt so bad for me.

Oops. My bad. Next time, Morgan's ordering.  

Lesson learned: Always have what you want to say written out and translated beforehand in case they don't speak English (because, chances are, they don't).

without the shedding of blood...

There have been only a few things happen in my life that were so... heavy my brain could not comprehend what exactly was going on. Emotions completely overwhelm, and I can't process what's occurring around me. Events so momentous that I'm left wondering how to even begin understanding what I both saw and felt. 9/11, for instance. Visiting the orphanages and leper colonies in China. And yesterday's sacrifice ceremony.

Yesterday was Eid Al-Adha, a holiday remembering Abraham's life, specifically his faith demonstrated in his willingness to sacrifice his son. To commemorate this event, cows and goats are sacrificed at local mosques and homes. Some hold this to be only a remembering of Abraham's willingness and G-d's provision, but others, like the leader we talked to, believe it to be forgiveness of wrongs - "Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sin" (Hmm, sounds familiar...) One goat covers one person, and one cow seven people. At the ceremony where we were, 21 cows and 15 goats were killed - 162 people.

As we walk up, the smell is overpowering. The leaders see us and wave us over, pleased to inform a foreigner about the event. It takes me a minute or two to get enough used to the stench to go through the gate. Bloodied carcasses lay on a square slab of concrete where the slaughter occurred. Only three cows are left. Arabic singing, recitations from their book, sounds loudly from the speakers. I watch a scrawny cow fight as hard as he can against the rope lassoed around his neck as he is dragged towards the front. He struggles to remain standing on the bloody concrete as ropes from all sides pull him down. He loses.

A man carrying a large knife walks barefoot through the blood to the still struggling beast. As he kneels next to its head, kids and parents inch as close as they dare, eager to see the slaughter.

And it's at this point that my heart can't handle anymore. I quickly turn away, fighting back tears. When we get home, I shower, trying to wash off the smell of blood that followed me home. And I sit, trying to process all of my thoughts and emotions.

Caution: Not for the faint of heart - The aftermath

I'm going to admit something here. After thinking things through, I realized what got to me the most wasn't all the blood and the guts everywhere. It was the cow.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no vegetarian. I love meat and could eat meat all day... as long as I never met the cow. I know, it's silly, but it's the truth. If I've met the cow beforehand, it will be extremely hard for me to enjoy eating him, even if he's in the form of a delicious hamburger.

And here I was, witnessing a helpless cow being pulled and prodded to its death. I hadn't even met the thing, but my heart was screaming, "STOP! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS!"

It took about two seconds for my heart to translate this into something deeper.

It all points to HIM.

HE was our sacrifice. He is the fulfillment of the OT, what the sacrificial system symbolizes. The perfect lamb of G-d. And unlike this cow, he didn't have to be prodded and dragged to his death but was like "a lamb that is led to the slaughter, a sheep that before its shearers is silent." The Son - the Word, the light of the world, G-d himself - willingly takes all of our punishment, and what he accomplished was final.

There is nothing we can do to earn favor; depraved man cannot approach holy G-d on his own merit. JC has done it all completely. His blood covers me. He has made a way. He is the way.

"If the blood of goats and bulls... sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of JC, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to G-d, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living G-d." -Heb 9:13-14

"By a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." -Heb 10:14 

"If JC be G-d and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for him." - C.T. Studd