feliz navidad

Selamat Hari Natal - Merry Christmas!

Sunday actually made the second Christmas away from home for me. Last Christmas was also spent on this side of the world, but my family waited to celebrate until after I got home, a week or so afterwards. That wasn't be the case this year. This time, I'm here for good. Bring on the celebrations.

We went to several Christmas services, complete with multiple speakers, Feliz Navidad (including one version with three languages - see video below), and candle lighting while singing "Silent Night." We ourselves threw two parties, one for our neighbors and one for the students. Christmas Eve we surprised our other buleh friends with some caroling, and on Christmas morning, we enjoyed homemade cinnamon rolls while watching Miracle on 34th Street. And our internet decided to be wonderful and give us the clearest Skype dates with our families we've ever had, so I got to watch my sister open her presents in her Disney footie pajamas. Some things never change.

I don't know about you, but this year, Christmas took on whole new meaning. The Promised One finally arrived, and with him came freedom - true, lasting freedom. Because the good news of his coming is not just important for one moment in your life; it's good news for every moment of every day. For the moments when we don't meet standards, for the moments when we fall on our faces, unable to keep it all together, for the moments when we realize we just can't do it. 

For those moments, and for all the moments in between, we have great news. 

He knows we're weak and needy. He knows we can't do it. So he came so that he could do it for us.

I am hidden in him. I don't have to pretend I have it all together. I don't have to be perfect. Cause he has accomplished all that I could not. He has secured my acceptance, my approval, my worth. He has done it all.

Freedom is here.

Come, thou long-expected J-sus, 

Born to set thy people free;

From our fears and sins release us,

Let us find our rest in thee.

Israel's strength and consolation,

Hope of all the earth thou art;

Dear desire of every nation,

Joy of every longing heart. 

 

And last, but not least:

adventure at the postal service

After nine weeks of living here, life seems pretty normal. I have to remind myself sometimes that it's not normal to have to bargain for a "bicycle carriage" to go anywhere or to buy fresh fruits and vegetables at a market that looks like it's from Aladdin. But sometimes, we have moments where the cultural differences hit us square in the face, and you can't help but laugh and say, "Oh yeah, we're in southeast Asia." Our mail experience was one such time.

Morgan's parents express mailed her a box a week after we arrived... two months ago. The customs number said it arrived in country about two weeks after she sent it, but a month after its supposed arrival, it had yet to make an appearance. So, Monday, we decided to take matters into our own hands.

After language school, we take a taxi to the big post office in town with a national friend and tutor, R, and another friend, D. Morgan and R go in to ask about the package, while D and myself wait patiently in the taxi, thinking it won't take longer than a couple of minutes to inquire and locate the package. I was wrong. While we're waiting, I take the opportunity to practice my language with our driver.

Forty-five minutes later, I've exhausted my language skills, and we've doubled our meter. Where are those girls? I text Morgan to make sure everything's okay, and a couple of minutes later, she comes out... alone and with no package.

Morgan: "Okay, so we still haven't found my package, but we've found two for you, Rachel, and one for D. You have to come and sign for them, and then you can help us look for mine."

Say what? 

We excitedly jump out of the taxi and make our way into this massive, old building, past the line of people waiting, through some hallways and corridors to this back room. Even though they didn't really want us to take pictures, we sneak a couple anyways.

Packages EVERYWHERE. No order whatsoever. Just piled up all over the place. When I walk in, R is still searching, and the only worker in the room is sitting in the corner, just pointing where to look. Thanks, Pak.

Thankfully, with four people searching and them having already searched for nearly an hour, we soon find the long-awaited box, and there's much rejoicing. We're all smiles as we walk out, wishing everyone a merry Christmas, as ours arrived two weeks early.

 

And now we know what to do if our package doesn't arrive on time: just take matters into our own hands and find it ourselves.

recipe 1: nasi goreng nanas

One of my favorite meals here is called nasi goreng nanas - or fried rice with pineapple. It is delicious, especially with the fresh pineapple here! 

One of our friends taught us how to make it, and I've had several requests for the recipe. Unfortunately, she doesn't use an exact, detailed recipe; she just kind of adds whatever to make it taste right. I tried to estimate how much she put in to make things easier, but unfortunately, that's the best I could do. We made ours with chicken, but you don't have to. You can add more egg or pineapple - whatever your heart desires. :)

Ingredients:

• cooked white rice, however much you would like to eat
• 2-3 garlic cloves, diced
• 1 onion, diced
• Oyster sauce (to taste)
• Sweet soy sauce (to taste, starting with about 1 Tbs.)
• Ketchup, about 1 Tbs.
• Black pepper (to taste)
• White pepper (to taste) (is there such a thing in the States?)
• Green onion - diced
• 1-2 cups of pineapple
• Oil
• 1 egg
• Chicken
• A handful of mushrooms (optional)

1. Heat wok or large skillet and cook the chicken in oil. Set aside.
2. Saute garlic and onion (not the green onion).
3. Crack and fry the egg with the garlic and onion.
4. Add pineapple to the egg, garlic, and onion. Allow to cook for a few minutes.
5. Add rice, black pepper, and ketchup.
6. Add oyster sauce, starting with a swirl but then add to taste. The oyster sauce adds a salty flavor.
7. Season to taste.
8. Add chicken and green onion and serve. Yum!

What our end result looked like. The 2nd time I made it, it was a lot darker than this.

'Tis the season...

Can you believe we're in December? I mean, really. It's especially difficult to realize how much time as passed when the weather stays 90 degrees year-round. There's no gradual (or sometimes drastic) dropping of the temperature to indicate we're approaching the end of the year.

With December comes holiday celebrations! It is hard to imagine it's the holiday season when you could fry an egg on the sidewalk, but nonetheless, we fully embrace the festivities. Last weekend, we celebrated Christmas with the students at the English center. Because this city is pretty large and diverse, there are a lot of people who celebrate Christmas here. 

We colored ornaments, exchanged gifts, sang carols, ate some chicken... we had a ball. It was quite amusing to hear Asians sing "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" when they have never experienced snow and will never see anything of the like unless a miracle happens (see video below). There was a sweet time of sharing family holiday traditions and memories that brought laughter and tears.

 

One thing's for sure: not having all the commercialism and images of Santa around really allows one to think about why we're doing all of this. Thank You for Your gift. You sacrificed more than we can ever fathom. Praise be to the one who is always faithful and infinitely great.

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Our Father truly knows how to give good gifts to his children. While it's easy to want to fall into self-pity and moan about how I miss family, friends, etc. during the holidays, I really am truly blessed. Thank you, Thanksgiving, for being a perfect reminder of what I have been given.

I am thankful I got to meet my team and spend Thanksgiving in the capital with them.
I am thankful for a family away from family to laugh, celebrate, and remember with.
I am thankful for those back in the States and around the world who encourage, love, and are walking with me on this journey.
I am thankful for the opportunity to focus on learning the language (really, I am).
I am thankful for being able to enjoy a washing machine and a shower a little while longer.
I am thankful for having peanut butter and oreos in this country.
I am thankful His mercies are new every morning.

And I am thankful for Christmas, for sweet fellowship (and some tears) with roommates while decorating the tree and reflecting on the Promised One who came to redeem His people.

It really is a truth too great for comprehension. G-d - great, mighty, part-the-Red-Sea, pillar of fire, glorious divinity. Leaves glory. Comes to earth as a baby. Lives out perfection, unrecognized by His own people. Is killed by His own people by a criminal's death. To be our sacrifice. Our righteousness. Our redemption. Our hope.

 What glory.

"O come, O come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of G-d appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel."

Him + Nothing = Everything

This is the part of the adventure where I feel crazy. the first of many times, I'm sure.

In all honesty, this past week has been pretty rough. Language was bad, lots of bad culture days, and the upcoming holidays is a great topper.

And I'm left on my face, before the One who is great and mighty and knows why in the world he has brought a tiny, unable-to-do-anything, still-has-problems-trusting girl here. Everything is being stripped away, painfully at times, leaving only Him to fall back on.

But you know what? He's all I need.

JC is enough.

I am reading a book a friend recommended to me, and the day when I felt most crazy, I read this.

Because JC is strong for me, I am free to be weak.

Because JC won for me, I am free to lose.

Because JC was someone, I am free to be no one.

Because JC was extraordinary, I am free to be ordinary.

Because JC succeeded for me, I am free to fail.

It's all about Him. He has already won. He has sealed me with His blood. I am His. And His plans will not be thwarted. Even if my language doesn't improve a single bit, He is more powerful than my language abilities. All I have to do is just walk with him. I don't have to be good enough; He is my sufficiency. I am free to be a mirror, to reflect the only one who was great, who loved perfectly, who did the greatest act the world has ever known for those who hated Him.

His grace is sufficient. He is my sanity. He is enough. He is enough.

When I am stripped of all things and left empty, You fill me up with the most beautiful, amazing, undeserved grace. Thank You for knowing better than me and for taking away that which I cling to that isn't good for me. Thank You for being You.

Berjalan saja.
Just walk.

"Come, let us return to the Lrd; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, that he will bind us up. After two days, he will revive us; and on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.

Let us know; let us press on to know the Lrd; his going out is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:1-3

"Cobalah sebelum Anda menguasainya" - Murder it before you master it

Fact 1: This city has three KFCs, three Starbucks, two McDonalds, and two Pizza Huts. There is no lack of Western food here. However, just cause we have plethora of options, we don't eat it a lot. After a bad language or culture day, though, some chicken nuggets and fries sound amazing.

Fact 2: McDonalds delivers. Straight to your house. Pretty awesome.

Fact 3: The first time we called for delivery, my sweet housemate ordered for us, only to discover that the worker spoke perfect English. Oh, how lovely! The dear people at McDs make sure their employees speak English for the poor foreigners who just want a taste of home! Wonderful.

So, earlier this week, after a particularly long language day, some McDs sounded amazing. My housemate was gone, but no worries - the people at McDs speak English!

Fact 4: Not all McDonalds employees speak English.

The girl I talked to spoke exactly zero English. Zip. Nil. Nada. The 15-minute long conversation consisted primarily of her speaking really fast gibberish and me saying, "I'm sorry, I'm learning the language, but I don't speak well yet" and "Please, slower?" It was an adventure.

What I meant to order:

• One order of chicken nuggets
• One cheeseburger,
• Two orders of french fries, and
• One coke.

What we ended up with:

• One order of chicken nuggets,
• One cheeseburger,
• Three orders of french fries,
• Two cokes,
• One two-piece fried chicken meal, and
• Two "free" teas, thrown in probably because they felt so bad for me.

Oops. My bad. Next time, Morgan's ordering.  

Lesson learned: Always have what you want to say written out and translated beforehand in case they don't speak English (because, chances are, they don't).

without the shedding of blood...

There have been only a few things happen in my life that were so... heavy my brain could not comprehend what exactly was going on. Emotions completely overwhelm, and I can't process what's occurring around me. Events so momentous that I'm left wondering how to even begin understanding what I both saw and felt. 9/11, for instance. Visiting the orphanages and leper colonies in China. And yesterday's sacrifice ceremony.

Yesterday was Eid Al-Adha, a holiday remembering Abraham's life, specifically his faith demonstrated in his willingness to sacrifice his son. To commemorate this event, cows and goats are sacrificed at local mosques and homes. Some hold this to be only a remembering of Abraham's willingness and G-d's provision, but others, like the leader we talked to, believe it to be forgiveness of wrongs - "Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sin" (Hmm, sounds familiar...) One goat covers one person, and one cow seven people. At the ceremony where we were, 21 cows and 15 goats were killed - 162 people.

As we walk up, the smell is overpowering. The leaders see us and wave us over, pleased to inform a foreigner about the event. It takes me a minute or two to get enough used to the stench to go through the gate. Bloodied carcasses lay on a square slab of concrete where the slaughter occurred. Only three cows are left. Arabic singing, recitations from their book, sounds loudly from the speakers. I watch a scrawny cow fight as hard as he can against the rope lassoed around his neck as he is dragged towards the front. He struggles to remain standing on the bloody concrete as ropes from all sides pull him down. He loses.

A man carrying a large knife walks barefoot through the blood to the still struggling beast. As he kneels next to its head, kids and parents inch as close as they dare, eager to see the slaughter.

And it's at this point that my heart can't handle anymore. I quickly turn away, fighting back tears. When we get home, I shower, trying to wash off the smell of blood that followed me home. And I sit, trying to process all of my thoughts and emotions.

Caution: Not for the faint of heart - The aftermath

I'm going to admit something here. After thinking things through, I realized what got to me the most wasn't all the blood and the guts everywhere. It was the cow.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no vegetarian. I love meat and could eat meat all day... as long as I never met the cow. I know, it's silly, but it's the truth. If I've met the cow beforehand, it will be extremely hard for me to enjoy eating him, even if he's in the form of a delicious hamburger.

And here I was, witnessing a helpless cow being pulled and prodded to its death. I hadn't even met the thing, but my heart was screaming, "STOP! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS!"

It took about two seconds for my heart to translate this into something deeper.

It all points to HIM.

HE was our sacrifice. He is the fulfillment of the OT, what the sacrificial system symbolizes. The perfect lamb of G-d. And unlike this cow, he didn't have to be prodded and dragged to his death but was like "a lamb that is led to the slaughter, a sheep that before its shearers is silent." The Son - the Word, the light of the world, G-d himself - willingly takes all of our punishment, and what he accomplished was final.

There is nothing we can do to earn favor; depraved man cannot approach holy G-d on his own merit. JC has done it all completely. His blood covers me. He has made a way. He is the way.

"If the blood of goats and bulls... sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of JC, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to G-d, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living G-d." -Heb 9:13-14

"By a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." -Heb 10:14 

"If JC be G-d and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for him." - C.T. Studd

fall festivities

I love fall. That's one of the things that's been hardest to adjust to - having only two seasons: dry and rainy. While loved ones back home may be enjoying the crisp autumn air; leaves changing into brilliant shades of yellow, orange, and red; and corn mazes in the shape of Abraham Lincoln, I'm sweating in the constant 90-degree heat, missing the festive hayrides and cider.

Well, last week, we brought a little bit of America to southeast Asia with a Fall Festival! Complete with homemade scarecrows, caramel popcorn, and pumpkin decorating. We taught them about the four seasons and how fall is associated with the harvest. They learned how to play hot potato with a pumpkin that surprisingly didn't bust when it was dropped and got to take pictures next to our scarecrows (which I somehow managed to not get a single picture of). I did get some pictures of our other festivities, however.

Caramel popcorn! We put the caramel on the side because A: they tend to not like really sweet things,
so B: we didn't want to waste any of the precious caramel sauce.

A group decorating their pumpkin

The finished pumpkins. The front left pumpkin was the winner. Earlier we talked about the seasons, and so this group decorated their pumpkin with scenes from spring, summer, fall, and winter.
If you'll notice the back right pumpkin, you may see a familiar face. It's Angry Birds!

Nothing could have finished the evening better than a little bit of line dancing. That's right: imagine 30+ Asians dancing to the Cotton-Eyed Joe. Highlight of the evening. We had a blast, and it was great to be able to share fond traditions from home with new friends.

wedding karaoke

For your enjoyment. Example of karaoke being for fun, not show of talent.

Language school day 1: "Ah, bay, chay, day..."

Little else is more humbling than having to relearn the alphabet.

Day one of language school is officially over. Even though our lesson was only two hours long, we learned a TON of stuff. Okay, maybe "learn" is not the right word. There are a lot of new words floating around in my brain. Whether or not I've learned them is another issue.

The other part of our schooling is spending two hours out in the community trying to use what we learned. I can see how this is extremely beneficial for language learning. However, for an introvert, this is also very uncomfortable, for lack of better words. I like to have everything perfect before I try it out. So, here I am, carrying around my little cheat sheet, walking through the market that's two blocks down from our house, and all these people are staring at me, and I just want to hide. Morgan, on the other hand, is thrilled to be able to speak to the people, even if we do only know three phrases, and is walking fearlessly up to people right and left. I do a little pep talk to gather enough courage to walk up to an ibu, or older woman, on the side of the street. By the time I stumble through my second phrase, a small crowd has gathered to listen to the buleh, and they're all laughing at me, who knows why exactly.

After a couple attempts, we enter a local department store and walk up to the friendly workers who are hanging around. Talking to people who smile at you and don't gather crowds is a lot easier. After a while, the people whom Morgan has already talked to spot me wandering and run up, stand in front of me, and smile, waiting for me to practice my horrible language skills. Thank you, Morgan, for making the rest of my day a hundred times easier.

Despite being absolutely exhausting and challenging, in more ways than one, today was a very successful day. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel at the end of the week, but I'm just taking it day by day. Perlahan-lahan - Slowly, step by step.

"G-d is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency at all times, you may abound in every good work." 2 Cor. 9:8

Traditional dance at the wedding

 

Weddings

Sunday we had the honor of attending a Muslim wedding. Marriane explained that most of the time, Muslims will have their wedding at the mosque with close friends and family, and then they'll have a big reception usually in a home. This time, however, was a little out of the ordinary and they had their reception at a hotel. It was quite the experience. Very glamorous.

Rather than sending flowers, congratulations are written in fake flowers are written on billboards that line the streets. Billboards are also sent for birthdays and funerals.

Decorations vary depending on what tribes they are from. The couple sits in the middle more or less the entire time, and guests line up to say their congrats and take pictures as they leave. Their parents sit on either side.

They also LOVE karaoke. For them, karaoke is a more private, social event more about having fun than talent. They usually have private rooms for you and your friends, rather than have you sing in front of a bunch of people you don't know. We have yet to actually go out and karaoke, but we have sung in the house of one of the workers here. While usually here you and your friends have a private room where you karaoke rather than in front of a large crowd, at the wedding anyone who wanted to was welcome to come up to the stage and sing... regardless of talent. I didn't get up there, but some of our friends did. It was a lot of fun. Soon I hope to have a video up of one guy singing an English song and also a video of a traditional dance that a group did. :)

"No spicy, no taste"

It's hard to believe that I've already been in this country for four days. Accomplishments this week:

• Got a cell phone.
• Went to the fabric market (see pictures below)
• Rode in both an angkot and a becak (once again, see pictures below)
• Experienced our first power outage here. Makes you really appreciate the fans and AC in our bedroom.
• Got to meet our neighbors when we showered at their house because our water wasn't working while we didn't have power.
• Was told by several natives that I look Asian. Even Asians think I look Asian...
• Bought groceries, including rice, chocolate cereal strongly resembling coco puffs (good to know I'm eating healthy, right? :p), guava juice, and double-stuffed oreos

Things I'm having to get used to:

• The spicy foods.. apparently I'm not as used to even a little bit of spice as I thought.
• Being woken up every morning at 5 am by the call to pr-er... and hearing it four other times throughout the day.
• Using only my right hand for eating, giving, and receiving
• Everyone driving on the left side of the road... actually just the driving in general.
• Hearing everything that goes on around outside our house - currently, there's a man who keeps laughing like "hee heeehehehehe." It's actually quite funny. But when it's loud college students at 2 am, not so much.

And lastly, the pictures I promised:

My house for the next three months

A becak (bay-chuck) - their version of a taxi

They play nerts!

My first meal - Mmmmm...

Fabric market

"Thus says the Lord: 'Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.'" - Jer. 9:23-24

First day = Success

Four flights and 36 hours later, I've made it safe and sound to southeast Asia! I wasn't able to meet up with my language school partner for the flights thanks to Houston weather delaying her flight, but it ended up being good. My layovers weren't longer than two hours each, so by the time I got off the plane and found my way to the gate, I really only had an hour to chill. Note to self: figure out a plan B for getting separated from partner BEFORE you leave. An hour is not long enough to panic, call a billion people, try to change flights, and be okay with the realization that you're flying across the world alone. All in all, it was okay If nothing else, it gave me an empty seat next to me to spread out on. And all my bags made it, minus the luggage straps and one TSA lock (sorry, Dad).

Today was pretty packed as they tried successfully to keep me awake the whole day, as that's the way to battle jet lag. Rode through the city (I've decided Asians all drive in the same terrifying manner - is that presumptuous of me?), ate my first local food (delish), had my first shopping trip (apparently, in the department stores, after you select your items, they write you a bill and you pick up your things at the register), and met a lot of young, eager English students. They were awesome. Do I really get to do this for two years??

Language study starts in a week and a half. First, a local friend is taking us around town to get used to the culture and basically know how to survive later this week. Pictures to come. Right now - glorious sleep!

New chapter begins

Tomorrow's the big day. My flight leaves from Lexington around 2 bound for Houston, connecting to Moscow to Southeast Asia. Monday will more or less not exist as I will be traveling the entire day, arriving Tuesday morning their time (currently there's an 11 hour time difference). Everything I own fits in two trunks, a backpack, and a purse.

 

Be lifting up travel, loved ones, and goodbyes. Thank you, once again, for all of the support and encouragement. You guys are awesome.

VISA!

Great news! Got my visa in today!! Now I'm all set, at least for the next two months. Thank you for all the pr-ers and encouragement!

And more great news - I get to see my family tomorrow! My mom, brother, and grandparents are coming in for the service on Wednesday, and then I'll be headed home for probably around three weeks. Now that we have our visas in, we're working on getting flights booked. This is for real! I'm really about to head to the other side of the world!

Call for obedience

Training is winding to an end as we pack and ready for our goodbyes on Wednesday. It's been an eight weeks jammed full of all sorts of information and stories that are extremely beneficial. What it all comes down to, though, is that without Him, all efforts are useless. We're just supposed to be obedient and leave the results up to Him.

He hasn't asked us to move the rock, simply to push.

To Him be all the glory, cause it most certainly isn't anything this weak, inconsistent, simple girl is doing.

"And he said, 'The kingdom of G-d is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground. He sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how. The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. But when the grain is ripe, at once he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.'" - Mk 4:26-29

Who knew visas could be so stressful?

M (my language school partner) and I mailed in our passports and applications for a two-month visa a couple of weeks ago and are still waiting to get them back. Our travel agency has to wait until we have visas in hand before they can book our tickets, and time is getting closer and closer, and so we're starting to get more and more anxious. Please be lifting that up.

Alsooo N emailed me and said he's still negotiating with a university about my long-term visa and requested that we be lifting that up as well. "We'll get you in one way or the other. No worries." Alright.

On a cool note, I found out this week from our big boss that B-town had some really exciting things happen, like starting their first gathering in January! What awesome news!

We've got a week and half left here, which seems absolutely crazy! It's definitely been a very helpful and, honestly, refining time. Thank you all so, so much for your support!

"If our God is for us, who can be against us?"

I survived security contingency training! I now know what to do in case of a robbery, questioning, or whatever else may come my way. Boy, can you say reality check?

It was definitely not a coincidence that the week before we talked about persecuted followers around the world. Father definitely weighed on my heart once again the cost of following that we so often in America don't face. I was reminded of the passage in 1 Pt that talks about resisting our adversary, "knowing that the same kinds of sufferings are being experienced by our brotherhood around the world."

Persecution is normal in over 80% of the world. Normal. Not something to complain about, not something out of the ordinary; it is to be expected. In fact 2 Tm flat out says this: "All who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted."

That brings up the question: Is He worth it?

Is He worth abandoning everything for? Is He worth being rejected and being ridiculed by peers? Is He worth risking not only your life but the lives of your family? Is He worth it?

The answer: YES. 100% yes. JC left EVERYTHING - He abandoned GLORY - to redeem His people, a people who ridiculed and rejected Him. And He gave Himself so that we may be made alive and live with Him.

With that in mind, Father gave me strength and peace to sit through sessions about what possibly could happen during service, things that I would normally be freak out about and probably be having nightmares about. Instead, though, in an enormous act of grace, I could sit and tell myself, "He is worth it. He is worth way more than my feeble life can give. He deserves all glory and praise, no matter the cost."

Sorry for the rant. That was definitely not the direction I meant for this post to go. Maybe later this week I can actually talk about what I meant to talk about. :)

Pr--er Request:
It's starting to get crunch time as we only have 2 1/2 more weeks here. We're having to memorize lots of stories and methods. Be pr--ing for sharpness of mind and, honestly, sincerity in my motivations to memorize. I don't want to know these things just because they tell me to know them; I want to sincerely be affected by them and desire to share them with those I encounter.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom 8:35, 37-39

"'Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.'" Rv 4:11

Earthquake training

As you have probably already seen on the news, the East Coast got its largest magnitude earthquake since World War II, a 5.8 on the Richter Scale that caused even the Pentagon to evacuate. What you may not have realized, however, is that its epicenter was 20 miles away from our lovely little compound here in VA. It was also my first experience with an earthquake. Talk about crazy.

After an emotionally exhausting morning of story after story about persecuted believers [hopefully more stories on that later], we were all sitting like zombies in our chairs, listening to goals and visions, when suddenly, we hear a low rumble. The ground starts to shake, rattling pens, cups, tables...

It's amazing how many thoughts can go through your mind in mere seconds.

"Did someone drop something massive out in the lobby? There's no way that was it. Thunder? No... Jets? No... Holy cow, is this an earthquake?? What are you supposed to do in an earthquake? I was never trained for this! Quick, what's everyone else doing? Getting under the table? Sounds goods to me. *gets under table* Wait, people are running outside. Are you supposed to do that? Oop, they're telling us to evacuate! Run for it!"

By the time we evacuated the building, everything had stopped. What felt like minutes really only lasted 45 seconds. Time is a very strange thing.

All that night, awareness was peaked, and we all had slight panic moments when we felt tremors later that evening.

Then, last night, I woke up around 1 to another rumble and some shaking. I'll be honest, though, I was still in that half-awake/half-dreaming mode, and after I woke up a little more, I didn't know if I had just dreamt it all or if there really was an earthquake. But then this morning, someone confirmed that we had indeed experienced a 4.5 earthquake.

And now, Hurricane Irene is making her way up the East Coast.

Not even six weeks here in VA, and I've experienced my first earthquake and soon my first hurricane. What a week.

SEAPs rock

Saturday my lovely SEAP family went to Kings Dominion!... which happens to look exactly like Kings Island! It poured the first hour we were there, but we rode the Spongebob indoor theater ride and outlasted the rain. It turned out to be a pretty day, and we were able to ride to our heart's content.

Saturday my lovely SEAP family went to Kings Dominion!... which happens to look exactly like Kings Island! It poured the first hour we were there, but we rode the Spongebob indoor theater ride and outlasted the rain. It turned out to be a pretty day, and we were able to ride to our heart's content.

This week's emphasis was on Northern Africa/Middle East and Central Asia. So to our cultural time, the women were required to wear long sleeves, long pants, and head coverings. It was quite the experience. The men and women were separated, and it was strange not being able to tell who anyone was from the back.

I played my first ever game of soccer! For whatever reason, my parents never enrolled me in sports as a kid - perhaps because I was the squirt who always got hurt - but consequently, I lack any kind of athletic capabilities. So when I say I "played" soccer, I really mean I contributed little to nothing. I first had to get over my intial reaction of running away from the ball (hey - what can I say? It's natural instinct! A fast-moving ball is headed towards me and people are charging at me... self-defense!) but after my initial avoiding the ball and illegal move of protecting my face with my hands from getting smashed by the ball, I at least wasn't a hinderance. Everyone was super nice and encouraging.

On a brighter note, I have an announcement to make - we have baby squirrels in our quad. Five of them to be exact (can we say flashback to the Chasity/baby squirrel incident of '09?). These squirrels are itty bitty. Tomorrow, their rescuer is taking them to an animal refuge to be taken care of. Our quad has suddenly become a lot more popular now that we have baby animals.

"For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God - his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him." - Psalm 18:28-30

“Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.” Josh. 3:5

Welcome to the world, Grayson Lee!

My dear cousin Emilie gave birth to a healthy baby boy, their first baby, Monday night. I’m in love with him already.

Life here at FPO goes by pretty quickly. It’s crazy to think that I’m already in week 3. Days are long; we’re in classes during the week from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m., if not later. We’re learning about everything on the planet that’s related to ministry or could prepare us for life overseas. Each week has a theme. The first week was more of an intro to life here and what we’ll be doing during FPO. Last week was focusing on personal discipleship, which was awesome. We had 3-hour sessions on prayer and 5-hour sessions on doctrine, all followed up with details like payroll or insurance. By Friday, my brain was gone. So much stinkin information in five days. All I can pray is that I’ll recall this stuff when I need it.

This week is affinity week, which has been really awesome. Monday we studied anthropology, and Tuesday we broke into worldview workshops. Meals are even based on what week it is. We had two special meals at lunch where we ate like different cultures. The first meal was bortsch (pardon my spelling), rye bread, and sour cream, based on Central Asian culture. The second was Middle Eastern. I forgot the name, but it was some sort of “salad” (picture fruit salsa, except it was onions and some other diced vegetables) and meatballs that we ate by tearing off pieces of flatbread and grabbing the food with it. Quite delicious actually and both fun experiences. Unfortunately I’ve heard we only have one more.

Visa details are still being worked out. I got my paperwork for my initial visa today, and my departure date was pushed back four days to October 9 for my language school partner.

New requests:

• Stability and consistency in emotions and thoughts. I feel like it’s the middle of the school semester, and I can’t form intelligent, coherent sentences because I’m so zapped. And it’s been a super emotional time for many, many different reasons (I think my record for days crying in a row now is up to 12). No worries, a lot of those days were empathizing with others. I’m not THAT distressed.

• Discernment in knowing what’s truth in my head and what are lies, and strength for fighting those lies. I’m constantly reminding myself that it’s true that I can’t do this by myself, that I’m human and sinful and in need of Him, but the great, awesome hope is that He is my sufficiency and power.

• Emilie and Josh as they are trying to figure out how to raise a baby and are getting used to there being a third one in their family.

The travel saga

After a crazy travel experience, I am here, alive though tired, at FPO.

I was originally supposed to arrive in Richmond around 5:30 after connecting in Atlanta. I met up with seven other Jman in Atlanta and was super encouraged by their passion and excitement. Together we boarded our plane bound for Richmond and waited on the runway to take off... and waited... and waited. Three hours later, the pilot turns our plane back around, and our flight is officially canceled because of weather.

We wait in a line for an hour to rebook our flight, only to find out that they were only able to rebook one of us for 10 p.m. that night. The two guys in the group will be flying out around 10 a.m. the next morning, and the rest of us have a flight at 12:48 p.m. We get in another line for hotel vouchers where we wait in that line for another hour... only to find out that we won't be getting a voucher because our cancellation was due to inclement weather. They tell us we can, however, get a hotel at a discounted price. After booking two rooms for the seven of us, we make our way down to baggage claim to try to figure out what's happening to our luggage. Once again, we wait in ANOTHER line for 30 minutes to find out our luggage has been routed to Richmond. They did give us a complementary toilettry set, complete with mini-deodorant and a t-shirt! We eat some precious food finally at 9:30, call the hotel shuttle, and crash in our oversized Sky Team shirts.

The journey doesn't get any easier. When we check in to our flight, we find out our flight has been delayed until 2. Seriously?? Another delay?? With no other options, we park ourselves next to our gate, whip out our books and laptops, and wait. Again. Our gate gets switched to one right across from us, and 20 minutes was added to our departure time. Then, five minutes before our departure time, our gate is switched from D13 to B25. B 25. In another terminal. We slowly follow the frustrated, groaning mass down the long escalator, onto the tram, down two stops, up the long escalator, and finally to B25. I can thankfully say that at 2:40, our plane got off the ground with the five of us on it, arrived safely, our luggage was waiting for us when we got there, and the shuttle transported us to the center with little to no other hinderances. Even though I've only been here once before, I've never been so overwhelmed with joy at arriving somewhere.

I've made it out to be some really horrible experience, and while it was frustrating at times, it really was a great opportunity to be able to ease into the whole experience. The seven of us got pretty close throughout the whole ordeal, and, hey, it was great practice at being flexible and fluid.

So, now I'm here. Still relieved to be here but also overwhelmed with information, emotions, and insecurities. After talking with some people and going through the binder they gave us, I felt so incompetent and inadequate. Like for real.

My comfort and peace:

"[Jesus said] 'Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.'" John 15:4-5

It's true - apart from Him, I really can't do anything. But the awesome truth is that the Spirit is in me, and he can really do some pretty powerful things. So for now, I think I'm going to quit focusing on all my shortcomings and worries and abide in him. He's pretty awesome.

Malaria, Earthquakes, and Sovereignty

With orientation just around the corner, my days have been full of ensuring I have everything ready for the next two months. In addition to racking my brain for what I should pack, there's also a lot of paperwork. I can only pray that I've read and printed everything that I'll need.

I did learn one thing today from all the reading: I will probably get malaria at least once in the next two years.

Which reminds me of something else you can add to your pr-yer list: health and safety.

Now, I know following Him isn't all about safety and security. In fact, oftentimes, obedience will lead us into situations that aren't safe or easy. Our comfort is that G*d is King and in control, so those risky situations in reality aren't really risky at all when we're following our good Father.

That being said, I definitely don't think we should ask for illnesses or dangers since they would hinder our work.

Anyways. Done rambling. Back to prayer requests.

As you probably guessed, malaria is extremely prevalent in the country I'm going to, as well as lots of other not-fun fevers and diseases. In my time talking with my supervisors, their family has gotten sick numerous times from various things.

Earthquakes aren't uncommon either... so please lift up me and my team as we aren't in the safest of places. And pray for comfort for my family. Especially for my dear mother.

I love knowing, though, that no matter what happens, be it good or bad, He will accomplish what He wills and glorify His name.

"When I cannot stand I'll fall on you. Jesus, you're my hope and stay."

And the goodbyes have begun.

Each one makes this thing all the more real.

I really am going 10,000 miles away from everything familiar to a country where the food is new, the language is new, the people are new.

This is going to happen.

The goodbyes are rough. I'm pretty good at holding myself together until I get to myself when I am suddenly swarmed by emotions and have to, once again, fall before my King, recognizing I totally need him to do this.

Before anyone doubts whether or not this is something I actually want to do, I do want to do this. I am excited. This is a huge opportunity to go and make His name known among the nations.

It's just the anticipation that kills.

But G*d is so good. His faithfulness and love is mind-blowing. I can't wait to share it with the students over there.

"Surely those who know the great passionate heart of Jehovah must deny their own loves in order to share in the expression of his." - Jim Elliot

I thank my God every time I remember you...

It seems like just yesterday that I was browsing through the dozens of pages with hundreds of jobs opportunities located all over the world. I was overwhelmed by the options, not having the slightest clue of where or even how I wanted to serve. As terrifying as it all was to contemplate leaving my home for two years, I was flooded by an incredible peace as I slowly narrowed down where God was leading and finally settled on my top three choices. In reality, that was four months ago. Now, I have 28 days before I leave the city I grew up in and step foot into new territory. It's still terrifying, but I also have that astounding peace that can only be from God. It is with confidence that I move forward, knowing that my God is sovereign and good and worth abandoning everything for so that his name may be known and glorified among the nations.

For those who are wondering, July 25th is when I leave for a 2-month orientation. After that, I'll have three months of strictly language school in country, so I will arrive at my final destination in early January (Lord-willing). I'll be working with students at an English center, but the details of my visa are still being worked out, so I'm not certain what exactly I'll be doing beyond that.

The support that I have received from family, friends, churches, even those I do not know has been incredible. So I want to take a moment to say - THANK YOU. Your words, hugs, prayers mean so much than you could ever possibly know. Thinking about it even now brings tears to my eyes. I have been so, so blessed and love you all so very dearly. May God bless you, and may his love be rooted firmly in your hearts.

Clinging to the cross and claiming his righteousness

"My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous." 1 John 2:1

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect had been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16


If I'm learning anything right now, it's that redemption is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Not only have our sins been forgiven, but we are given Christ's righteousness. His sinless life was not only an example for us but is our righteousness. He is our constant advocate. God no longer sees our sin. He sees Christ and the cross and declares me innocent. I am freed from guilt.

This song is quickly becoming one of my favorites.

"Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,
My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
The King of glory and of grace!

One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God."

Grace upon grace

"You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience - among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of our body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him, and seated us with him in the heavenly places with Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." Eph. 2:1-7


My mind simply cannot wrap itself around those words. First, we were dead in our trespasses, but not only dead and helpless, but children of wrath, following the "prince of the power of the air," "sons of disobedience." We were under Satan's control. Enemies of God. There is absolutely no innocence in us.

Yet, despite this, despite our dispecable-ness and filth, God loved us. He reached down and made us alive.

But wait. It gets better. Making us alive would have been amazing in itself. But he did this why? "So that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus." He saved us from ourselves and from powers outside of and much greater than ourselves (an act of grace) so that he might show us more grace!

What an awesome God we serve. May all glory and honor go to him and him alone.

The fight for perspective

Trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have two months left in the States before I'm gone for two years is close to impossible. How do I prepare for this? How do I ready myself for this epic change?

All I can do is fill my mind and heart with Scriptures to try to maintain perspective.

"Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4

Here's to a very scary beginning

I'm trying desperately to not have expectations, to not build up a false, romanticized idea of how my time there is going to be.

I want to ready myself, to be prepared to serve without hinderances, to live in that moment - in the here and now.

Yet, I see so much in me that is not good, so much that does not please our Father. And I'm fighting those things with all that I am, striving towards sanctification and holiness, keeping my eyes on the prize - our home, our glorious God, standing perfected by Him, through Him, for Him: "for my name's sake."

Father, break me of all that is not pleasing to you. Increase in me. Give me eyes to see myself in my depravity, grace and love in their fullness, the cross in its glory. May all I do be for You. I cling to the promise of your faithfulness and goodness. Pour yourself on me. May my life be an overflow of You.